I am happy to report that the bathroom cabinet project is looking less dismal.
Only a couple of hours after emailing Amazon customer service about my missing package, I got a response apologizing that they couldn't replace the items because there were none left in stock. They had issued a refund and gave me a link to another seller who had the items. Good job, Amazon. This is why I love you. :)
Then it was off to Sherwin Williams to test the love from their customer service. Cabinet door in hand, I showed the clerk the terrible finish resulting from the paint and roller that had been recommended to me. He confirmed that the ProClassic I'd originally asked about could not be tinted to black, so I looked at options for dark grey instead. Then I talked to another clerk who had recently painted a crib using ProClassic satin and a mohair roller with excellent results. Unbeknownst to me, the first clerk was already mixing the paint... in semi-gloss instead of satin. Ugh. A paint store is not a fast food drive-through where every customer has to be served in two minutes or less. Can I please have five minutes to try to make the right choice, lest I set myself up to waste another two or three hours sanding and repainting?
Ultimately, I decided to keep the semi-gloss as it might be a bit more durable for the frequent use and cleaning the cabinet will endure in a bathroom. The clerk gave me the paint at no charge. Not Amazon-level love, but quite acceptable.
Then I went to the grocery store. Though my purchase was almost exclusively vegetables and fruits, I did also buy spaghetti noodles and a frozen pizza. This apparently prompted the 50-ish female clerk to ask me, "How many kids do you have?" I replied very matter-of-factly, "None. I just eat like a 10-year-old." She was embarrassed. I thought it was hilarious. :D I snickered all the way out to the car.
When I got home, I discovered my missing package from Amazon sitting next to the garage door. O.o Maybe it was delivered to a neighbor by mistake, and it took them three days to bring it over? I emailed back to Amazon customer service so they can cancel the refund or charge my card again.
Then I hauled the cabinet down to the basement and spent an hour sanding it. I hate sanding... so afterwards, I consoled myself by eating the pizza. ;)
Now it's time for the second attempt at painting the cabinet...