Tuesday, July 2, 2013

That Oughta Hold It

Recently, I bought a dining table and seven chairs from a craigslist seller. The chairs are sturdy but need a good scrub and new seat covers.

I began working on the chairs today. When I took the seats off, I discovered that whoever last replaced the seat covers must have seen a few too many action movies. You know, the kind where the bad guys don't bother to aim their guns, they just fire about 46,000 bullets in the general direction of the hero. Why do I think this? Because they used over 100 staples. PER SEAT. This one, for example, has 137 staples. Assuming a similar number for each seat, that's about 950 staples I have to pull out one by one. This might be the most heinous case of staple overkill in recorded history.

Oh, and they also apparently tore the fabric with their teeth.

Speaking of movies... a modified quote from one of my favorites:
"Why would anybody want to put in 137 staples?"
"It seems so unnecessary."
"It's what we call overkill."
"It's what we call psychotic."

28 comments:

  1. If I had sold a table and chairs on craigslist... that probably would have been me. :x

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    1. Ha ha! I admit, the bottoms/backs of my projects are not always beautiful to behold. But I do at least trim the excess fabric, not staple it down with 50 staples. ;)

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  2. Ha ha :D psychotic it is!! And not neatly done at all! Can you imagine when that person did this? Total frenziness.
    I hear your curses over removin all the staples. I hope you had good tools for it.
    The chairs look so nice. They reminds a bit of my mothers gothic style late 19 century chairs in black. Are you going to paint them black?

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    1. Frenzy is right! I would not have wanted to be within 1000 yards when the person put in the staples!

      I do have some good tools... and a fair amount of staple-removing experience after pulling up all the carpet in the house. Luckily, the staples are not all the way down into the wood, so I should be able to get my mini prybar under them and pop them out pretty easily.

      The chairs have an interesting shape, I think. Yes, I am going to paint them black. :)

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  3. That looks like the boat seat covers I had to take off last summer. I don't know who had re-done them before, but my husband says he didn't know I even knew those words (and in those combinations!).
    Good luck!

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    1. Thanks! I will probably be putting together some creative word combinations. ;)

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  4. STAPLE ALL THE THINGS. When in lack of skill, make up for it with enthusiasm.

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    1. No kidding. LOTS of enthusiasm!

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  5. The way you described the staple overkill cracked me up XD
    Good luck on this project, can't wait to see how it turns out!

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  6. ROFL!! Maybe it was an automatic staple gun; you know, the Swingline version of an AK-47... Sometimes those things just get away from you. ;-)

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    1. Indeed! It's the kind of tool Rambo would use to redecorate his house.

      I can't imagine they used a regular staple gun because those things are pretty hard to squeeze. It must have been either a pneumatic stapler or a staple hammer.

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  7. Well, at least those covers weren't going anywhere! Nothing worse than sitting down to a meal and having the chair cover slide out from underneath you! 'Cause that probably happens a lot, right?

    They have good bones, those chairs. They're going to look spectacular when you're done with them. (I know these things...) ;o)

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    1. Happens all the time... in places where gravity pulls sideways.

      The chairs are sturdy, which is unusual for secondhand chairs. Almost every chair I see in thrift stores is wobbly and in need of repair. I still need to choose a fabric for the seats.

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  8. I overbuild like that. But my cuts are never so heinous. Backs and bottoms and insides and hidden parts count, people.

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    1. It's an established fact that I can't cut a straight line, but at least I try. And I use a tool, such as scissors or a utility knife, not my hands or teeth. :P

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  9. Maybe they were reeeaaaally worried about the material coming away from the chair somehow? :P

    The chairs have a very nice shape, though. I'm sure they'll look lovely when they're done up! :)

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    1. I have no idea what style the chairs would be classified as... but I like them. :)

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  10. I think someone built an assault rifle/nail gun hybrid... perhaps they did the same thing with a staple gun. If so, I am worried for the world :P . It does seem like an unnervingly frenzied way to re-upholster furniture. I laughed a lot at the end quotes...

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    1. I can't imagine any scenario in which one would need to put in that many staples... maybe it was some kind of cathartic stress relief. Better that than the psychotic option. :P

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  11. Wow, if I could actually use a staple gun without killing myself (given how prone to accident I am) then that would probably be the bottom of any chair I had recovered. That sounds like the sort of thing I would do - better be safe and add another one, or 100.

    Or perhaps it was one of those weird tool birds from the Disney Alice in Wonderland.

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    1. Ha ha! Yes, I think we'll keep you away from staple guns. ;)

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  12. ARGH! This reminds me of the idiot who owned my house before me.....he screwed a shelf into the wall with drywall screws (those are for HANGING DRYWALL, not hanging things on a wall) and instead of using a stud finder, he just made a row of no less than 40 holes going across the wall until he found them!!! ARGH!

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    1. I made a similar discovery behind my kitchen cabinets. You have to wonder what people are thinking when they do such things...

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  13. Love the chairs! I would like to find some nice, old dining furniture myself. Maybe paint it all black. That would be awesome. :)
    Haha, that's alot of staples! When I re-dressed my chair I used as few staples as I could and folded the edges of the fabric before I did so. Pretty is nice - even if it's under the seat! ^^

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    1. Thanks! I think the chairs will look nice black.

      I like things to be neat, even unseen things like cords and cables behind the desk.

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  14. Hope we get to see an update to these, when you are done with them.

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    1. Definitely. I'd hoped to be done with at least a couple of them by now, but it's been too hot to be outside spray painting. :(

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