Thursday, November 22, 2012

Tonight, I Laughed

It's not often that I write about my life in detail because… well, frankly, it's no fun to read about. I don’t get out much or do anything exciting. And lately, I have been lonely.

I have very little family; just my parents, who live 2,000 miles away. I talk to them on the phone every couple of months. I have no siblings. My grandparents all died before I was born. As for friends, I have none. Other than a few lunches with a co-worker, I haven't had a social engagement in more than two years. Outside of work, I spend all my time alone. I'm used to being alone and even like it sometimes, but this is getting to be a little too much alone time even for me.

I don’t reveal this because I’m looking for pity. It was my own choices that shaped my life. I reveal this to explain what “I’ve been lonely” really means for me.

My life in general hasn’t been great lately. The new job that I was so hopeful about has turned out to be absolutely wrong for me. My 14-year-old dog – my only companion – is losing her vision and has begun to fall frequently, which worries me immensely. My own health hasn’t been the best. So it was difficult to feel thankful on Thanksgiving today.

Tonight, like most nights, I checked my blog list for new posts. Natalie of Gothy Two Shoes, who has excellent taste in music, had posted some videos. One was for the “literal version” of Billy Idol’s White Wedding. This piqued my interest. ‘80s videos are already pretty literal, after all. Turns out this version actually replaces the words to the song. Not what I was expecting, and quite funny. When the kitchen scene came on, I immediately thought of my own falling-apart kitchen ("And the sink is also not working"), and I burst out laughing. Really, truly laughing. I laughed so hard I cried. I laughed so much that my abs started to ache.

I cannot remember the last time I laughed like that. I’ll snicker sometimes, and even laugh for a few seconds on occasion, but it’s been ages since I really LAUGHED.

At the end of Thanksgiving Day, I was reminded of something I am very thankful for – our little virtual community. I love reading your blogs and seeing your photos (and sometimes even living vicariously through you), and I am grateful for the nice comments you leave on my blog. Thanks to you all, I can feel connected even when I'm sitting home alone. And special gratitude to the awesome green-haired lady on the other side of the planet. Natalie, thanks to you, tonight, I laughed. :)

20 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing this story. Even if I have friends I can also feel lonely. But I get letters from some of my internet friends and chat with them by the computor. When I do so I don't feel lonely. If you like you could send me your snail mail adress and I'll send you a letter with my lousy spelled scribbling.
    I wish you a nice weekend and hug the dog from me.

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    1. Oh, what a nice offer! :) Thank you. Getting a message or letter is a comforting reminder that someone somewhere is thinking of you, that you're not drifting forgotten.

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  2. This is a great post. I have made some friends online who I am quite close to now, and it's nice to have a sense of community. I love reading all these blogs, too. I had a pretty crappy day on Thanksgiving day too, I seem to have really bad luck recently.

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    1. The internet is wonderful in its ability to connect people. :) Here's hoping your luck changes soon!

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  3. It's 4:00 a.m. so I can't watch the video for fear of waking the spouse, but I'll check it out later ... Sucks about the job. Really sucks about the dog. I may not comment often, but I enjoy reading your blog very much. Brings back memories of when we first started renovating.

    Glad you at least got a good belly laugh yesterday. We all need one of those every once in a while to keep us going through the hard times. :)

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    1. Thank you. With the job situation, at least I have control. I'm already making preparations to change it... or more likely, to be unemployed for a while.

      It was a good belly laugh indeed. Laughter is healing. :)

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  4. Truly a great post. I'm also so thankful for this great community. :)

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  5. I'm glad that you've found community online and had a good evening on Thanksgiving.
    When I first moved to Scotland, then got made redundant 3 weeks later, and realised that I'd left everyone I knew behind, and I was in a foreign land with only my other half (who worked long hours) and nobody here at all I knew, and was spending long hours on my own, waiting for my other half to get back late, and eat dinner and fall asleep, I got quite lonely, but at least I had my other half for a little bit in the evenings, and my friends and family weren't quite as far away as 2000 miles!
    I communicate a lot by old fashioned letters, and if you want a Gothy pen-pal in the UK, I'm up for it :)

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    1. It's difficult being alone in a new place. I'm glad you had someone with you. Thinking about the distance, that it would take 25 hours of driving to reach my parents, it makes me realize just how ridiculously huge the US is.
      Thanks so much for the offer. :)

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    2. It's only 11 or 12 hrs (depending on traffic) of driving to see my Dad, sister & niece, etc. and a lot more travelling to see my family on the continent, but I'm not particularly close to my family in France. The US is huge, it's a country that's half as big as a continent, (not sure exactly the ratio between The United States and Canada, but it looks like roughly half), and it must be odd being so far away from someone and yet still in the same country! Countries in Europe are so small by comparison! I've travelled several countries and still not racked up the mileage like that of crossing America!

      Would you like me to e-mail you my address?

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  6. Awwww <3 Bane you're the best! If I was a crying type of girl I would cry! You're seriously an inspiration to me. I love that you're independant and strong. And you're doing your own house!!! I'd love to do that one day. I'm up for being your penpal too! Please email me and I'll start sending you stuff.
    P.S. When I visit the USA I'm totally going to visit you, NO EXCUSE!

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    1. That's okay, I cry enough for two people. ;) Thank you for the sweet note. Sometimes I need to be reminded that I can be strong.
      P.S. Damn right you're going to visit me! ;) You'd always be welcome here.

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  7. I agree with Natalie, you are the best! We all think ver highly of you and respect you as a person, a goth, a brilliant blogger etc! Thank you for sharing your life with us online! I respect your decision to be alone and I can relate to the feeling of loneliness, I think we all do! Xxoo

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    1. Thanks so much! I think everyone has been lonely at some point. And I think it's a feeling we all strive to avoid, even if it's just by connecting with one person.

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  8. Aw, Bane! I so grateful for YOU, dear friend. You make me less fearful about actually owning a house and doing the work myself (ourself). I'm not ready for such a big commitment but I know that I will be in a few years when I settle down into a school. My carpenter Pop would have been so intrigued and proud of you! He really loved women who could do repairs, carpentry, construction, etc. because he knew that all of that might and would fall on us one day.

    I agree, I am thrilled and grateful for our blogosphere and the friends that we've all made here.

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    1. Thank you so much! :) The perseverance you practice in grad school will prepare you well for home ownership. ;)

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  9. This is such a lovely post. I'm glad you had that moment of laughing, it is so rare sometimes and can leave a smile on your face for days.
    I love your blog so much and I am so inspired by all the things you craft! I am dreaming of my own house since I never had privacy in my life, and thanks to your blog I really have a clear vision on how I would want that house to look like!
    So thank YOU for blogging and sharing your gothy interest, and like beautiful Natalie's blog, it makes me feel connected too :)
    Hugs and kisses!!!

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    1. Thank you! It really makes me happy to know that my blog is useful. :D

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